Hinata stared at the empty doorway where Kuroo had stood moments ago.
His heart was like the feet of a thousand marathon runners.
His legs had turned to jelly.
He wasn’t in a hut in Okinawa anymore: he was on the 13th floor, shaking, cradling the wolf that was bleeding in his arms; he was tangled in floral-scented sheets in a hotel in Choshi with kisses on his neck; he was in a private room at Koko’s, a table away from cold brown eyes steadily, rapidly, falling; he was in an underground room, having been dragged in by two wolves, under a single light bulb and a voice like fine blood red wine had met his ears for the first time –
Hinata staggered and fell onto a bamboo table.
‘He’s out of hospital now, by the way but has a bit of trouble walking. And he said he misses you. A lot.’
Hinata’s heart cried, like a lone wolf on a mountain top, pleading to the sky.
Was Hinata surprised?
Was he surprised that Thursday night two weeks after Kuroo’s visit, just after midnight, after one local he’d befriended left along with three tourists, to hear the soft sound of his name fall off the lips of the gentlest crow?
Was he surprised – the way his heart stilled, the way the world stilled, the way he knew the inevitable was coming, and this was just one more step closer to that, a steep step, a step he felt, that made Hinata lose his balance, lose his footing, almost lose his grip of why he was out on a beach, south of Japan in the first place?
He turned.
Was he dreaming?
There Suga stood, in a light grey shirt, white shorts and black sandals, looking like the most un-crow-like Hinata had ever seen him. Yet. Still with that same marvelous, kind expression in those heron-grey eyes, just like the first time Hinata had saw him in the back streets of Shinjuku a year ago. This was the person who had saved him. This was the person who had picked him up off the street and had given him a chance.
Hinata’s eyes watered.
‘Sugawara-san!’
Hinata ran and fell into Suga’s arms like a chick nestling into its mother hen. Suga caught him in an embrace as Hinata wept.
‘So we did finally find you. We found our baby crow.’
Hinata wailed, clinging to that white material, his tears turning splodges see-through.
‘You c-came all this way,’ Hinata peered up at his senpai, eyes teary, tiny hands clutching Suga’s shirt, ‘to see me?’
‘To bring you back. To Tokyo.’
Hinata released his grip. With tear-stained cheeks he hesitantly took a step back and searched Suga’s eyes.
‘What?’
‘We’ve booked your flight. You know we have connections. You can get the plane back with me tomorrow morning. We’ll be in Shibuya by noon -’
‘Suga-san -’
‘Everyone is waiting to see you. They’re throwing a feast. All your brothers -’
Hinata’s eyes watered afresh. ‘I can’t!’
‘Of course you can. Everything is fine now. There’s no reason for you to stay away. I know you probably feel… guilty, about what happened, but it’s not your fault. There will always be jealous people, and this time, we’ll operate more underground. We were too bold, too proud, of your success with Kageyama, you attracted far too much attention too quickly. But we learn from our mistakes and we move on -’
Hinata was shaking his head. ‘I-I can’t go back. If I go back, the same thing will happen again -’
‘You don’t know that.’
‘I do – we’ll grow, we’ll expand, we’ll clash with another clan – The Bears, The Monkeys – someone, and they’ll want me or you, The Crows, or someone, dead -’
‘This is about – Oikawa, isn’t it?’ Suga raised a knowing eyebrow.
Hinata’s heart skipped a beat. The silence felt cavernous, humongous like Hinata was stood at the bottom of a ravine. Hinata stared into the open, honest eyes of his senpai.
‘You know?’ Hinata whispered.
Suga nodded.
‘How?’
‘Iwaizumi told us. Seeing as he was the last person who saw you that night.’
Hinata could not believe – that Suga seemed to look… amused?
‘How much do you know?’
‘Hmm, well, we know about the brewery and that you were blackmailed, that you fell in love and were seeing him in secret for two months… To be honest, it was nice to hear that you’d found someone. We just couldn’t believe that that someone happened to be the leader of The Wolves,’ Suga chuckled. ‘Trust you to make a big catch, huh?’ But then his expression change to one of concern as he watched Hinata. He lowered his voice, ‘And that you were the one who killed Ushiwaka. The first person you’ve ever killed, I believe.’
Suga was surprised, and pleased, to see no remorse or emotion on the little crow’s face from these words. Hinata knew what Suga would ask next, knew it would be about that night so he quickly turned the topic to a more urgent matter –
‘Is Oikawa OK?’ Hinata whispered, his eyes automatically brimming over afresh with anything related to The Big Bad Wolf’s wellbeing. ‘Kuroo was here. He said he has trouble walking -’
‘Hinata,’ Suga began gently.
‘And that’s my fault. You know it is. If Oikawa has trouble walking it’s because of me -’
‘It’s not your fault!’ Suga stepped forward and gripped Hinata’s shoulders as more tears continued to spill, ‘Who knew? Who knew the history between him and Ushiwaka? The Cats didn’t know, we didn’t either, that rivalry had been brewing in the background long before you came along -’
‘If I hadn’t had been so successful,’ Hinata’s lips trembled, ‘The Cats never would’ve gone to The Eagles in the first place -’
‘You can’t blame yourself for what The Cats chose to do! Is that what you’re thinking? You’re thinking that Oikawa blames you?’
Tears responded on Hinata’s behalf.
‘Hinata! You know that’s not true. Why do you think he has thrown so much money, so much resource, into trying to bring you back? He’s grateful you killed Ushiwaka and he – I think his feelings for you run much deeper than you realise. The Wolves stepped in that night when The Eagles went for our businesses. And why was that? Because you asked for his help. Iwaizumi told us. And even now, he’s been merciful to The Cats – he said if they could find you he would wipe their slate clean… He knows. He knows The Eagles used the whole situation to their advantage: The Cats, The Crows, we were just an excuse, pawns in a master plan. The air is clear. The tension has been resolved.’
Hinata brushed his tears away. But there were still other matters at hand…
‘Did you – find out who revealed Oikawa’s Toda apartment?’ Hinata’s expression hardened, and his voice had a sharp edge to it.
‘No. We still don’t know.’
‘Do you know who gave our information to The Cats?’
Suga sighed. ‘No. And we may never know.’
‘I do,’ Hinata gripped his palms, his face ferocious, brazen.
‘You know who was behind all this?’
‘No,’ Hinata lied, ‘but I know which clan they were from.’
‘How?’ Suga peered at Hinata. ‘Who is it? The Monkeys? The Bears?’
‘The Crows.’
Silence.
‘What are you saying?’
‘You know what I’m saying.’
Suga surveyed the anger on that boyish face. ‘You can’t be sure.’
Hinata fished out his phone. ‘Look -’
Hinata talked through and showed all the scans to Suga. It finally landed on the Excel sheet. ‘Do you recognise this? Who else has access to this much of our information? All our profit sheets are locked. And look – look at the taskbar at the bottom of the screen. That’s Daichi’s computer. There’s no WiFi. No one could’ve hacked this.’
‘But… it doesn’t make sense… why would a crow do this?’
Hinata averted his gaze. ‘I don’t know but,’ Hinata brought his eyes up to meet Suga’s again. ‘Isn’t it worth investigating? To make sure it doesn’t happen again?’
Suga heaved a sigh and clutched his forehead. ‘I came here for answers but I’m leaving with more questions.’ His features suddenly lit up and Suga stared at Hinata. ‘This mustn’t get to Oikawa.’
‘Why?’
‘He’ll come for us. He’ll come for our heads. And you’re not there to stop him.’
‘He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t harm any of you because of me.’
Suga grimaced. ‘I have never heard of anyone go against The Wolves and live, have you?’
A chill, familiar to the first time Hinata had heard Oikawa’s voice, licked its way up Hinata’s spine. He shivered.
‘Fine. I won’t say anything. For now. But promise me you’ll look into it.’
‘If I do, do you promise to come back?’
Hinata pursed his lips.
‘Hinata,’ Suga’s voice was as soft as a feather, ‘you’re a crow. You belong with us. Once you’re a crow, you’re a crow for life.’
Hinata closed his eyes as a fresh layer of tears formed behind his eyelids. What could he say? The Crows were his family. But more than the attraction of the love he would receive, was the pain of what had happened, and the reality of it happening again should he return… His eyes snapped open.
‘You can’t assume that history will repeat itself,’ Suga said, reading the little crow’s expression.
Hinata’s eyes met his senpai’s, his face as steely as an iron wall. ‘You can. You can be cautious. If you have people to protect.’
‘Do you think that if you don’t come back The Crows and Wolves are automatically safe? Is that it? We’ll be in just as much danger with or without you there if we expand territory.’
‘Well that’s just it… maybe I… don’t want to do that anymore.’
Suga stared into those sincere brown eyes. ‘What are you saying?’
‘Expand territory. Make deals. Make more money. For what? To put as all in danger? It’s not worth it.’
‘Hinata -’
‘To me. It’s not worth it to me. Everyone may have a different opinion or ambition. And this kind of thing may not effect someone else as much. But,’ Hinata’s eyes suddenly filled with tears, ‘I was there, Sugawara-san, when Ushiwaka pulled the trigger. I was there when Oikawa collapsed… I saw the blood… I was in the ambulance… and there was – just – so much blood -’
Hinata dissolved into sobs again and for a second time it hit Suga, a lot harder than the first –
He’s just a boy.
He’s a baby crow.
And he never was exactly like the rest of us…
‘I -’ Hinata choked between sobs, ‘will not have – the blood – of – s-someone – I love – on – my hands again!’
Suga stepped forward and hugged the redhead as Hinata continued to weep.
I know, Suga thought, I get it. I understand.
As Hinata’s cries calmed, Suga exhaled a deep breath.
‘What will you do instead? If you don’t… come back? Are you… happy here?’
Hinata sniffed and extracted himself from Suga. By habit, he glanced at the painting of Tokyo on his wall. ‘I – I don’t know… Travel perhaps. I’m still figuring it out.’
‘So I guess… this is goodbye then? For now?’
Suga saw the fear then, the fear in the little crow’s eyes, the dawning realisation that once again he’d be… entirely alone.
‘You can always come back,’ Suga whispered. ‘You will always be welcomed back. With open arms. You’re a crow for life. Nothing will ever change that. We look after our own. Just say the word. Just rock up. And you will be brought back in.’
‘Thank you,’ Hinata’s lips trembled. ‘Suga senpai.’
Suga ruffled his hair. ‘I’ll tell the others… that you’re still thinking about it.’
‘And tell them,’ Hinata glanced at the painting again, ‘that I love them.’
Suga stared at the crow. ‘Hinata.’
Hinata brought his attention back onto his senpai.
‘Have you spoken to anyone at all about… what happened? Have you seen a counselor or a therapist?’
Hinata shook his head.
‘For the past three months?! You haven’t spoken to anyone about what you went through?’
‘No.’
‘Hinata. Please -’
‘I don’t trust them.’ Hinata explained. ‘I don’t trust anyone.’
‘You need to process this. It will help. With the trauma. I will find someone for you. Someone in Okinawa or local that you can trust.’
Hinata’s eyes watered. ‘You don’t have to.’
‘I want to and I will.’ Suga took out a business card from his pocket and handed it to Hinata. ‘I want you to stay in touch with me, OK? And let me know how you’re doing. We found you now. Please don’t go missing again.’
‘Thank you.’
‘Always know that you have eleven brothers and nothing will ever change that.’
Hinata threw his arms around Suga again, teary. ‘Thank you, Suga senpai.’
Suga smiled and ruffled that orange hair before Hinata released him for the last time.
‘Did…?’ Hinata bit his lip briefly as he hesitated. ‘Did Oikawa senpai send you?’
Suga’s smile widened. ‘No. Why? Do you wish he did?’
Pink bloomed on Hinata’s cheeks and at the top of his ears.
‘He knows I’m here, though. And he is eagerly awaiting to hear news of you.’
Hinata’s blush deepened.
‘Is there anything you’d like me to tell him?’
Hinata wavered. ‘Tell him… I’m sorry. And that I miss him too.’
Hinata was almost the shade of the dot on the Japanese flag.
‘Anything else?’
‘I wish him a speedy recovery. With all my heart.’