It started on Monday at lunch.

Hinata received a text from Oikawa saying he wasn’t feeling that well and that he was cancelling their serving session that evening. Immediately Hinata found a quiet spot and called him.

‘Yahoo chibi-chan!’ that voice sang.

‘Are you OK? What do you mean you’re not feeling well?’

A pause. Then –

‘Maybe I ate something. I just don’t feel… that good.’

‘Should I come and see you?’

Silence. A good long silence.

‘No,’ Oikawa said firmly.

A pause. An awkward pause. The first awkward pause they had ever had between them. It hung in the air like an unstable rope bridge across a steep gorge.

‘If you need anything, anything at all, call me, OK?’ Hinata said.

Hinata did not know that his words were like a carving knife. Oikawa was at school, a few steps away from some friends and the watchful gaze of Iwa-chan.

He smirked. ‘Of course,’ he said, confidently.

Inside he was breaking.

I need you, Shoyo. Your heart. That’s what I need.

Kageyama stared at the classroom clock. 12 minutes til practice. The rest of his Sunday had been a disaster of trying to do homework but only seeing one thing in the center of his mind –

He’d been over this a hundred times before. And couldn’t help going over it again.

Nothing had gone to plan. He hadn’t won the match so the argument to Hinata about being the better setter had fallen flat. The chummy third years, who he’d thought would clamp down on the arrangement, were too accepting about the serving. Then again, they didn’t know about the –

If you tell them Kageyama I’ll never forgive you!

Kageyama’s heart winced. Hinata’s words, as slicing as a razor blade. Kageyama’s hands were tied, his mouth was mute. He had been over it again and again, like a scavenger panning for gold in sand dunes, sifting sifting sifting until he had found the solution. In a way, deep down, he had always known…

That this…

Was the only way.

When the redhead arrived at the club room to change, he was met with sudden silence and prickling in the air. Kageyama was there, already in uniform, along with Tanaka, Nishinoya and Asahi. The latter avoided Hinata’s gaze and looked guiltily out of the window.

‘Hey Hinata – is it true that Oikawa taught you how to serve because you saved his life?’ Nishinoya asked, tactful as always.

Hinata flushed red from all eyes on him but he automatically looked –  with great trepidation – to Kageyama, his heart thundering – had the setter not said anything? Had he not released the secret? Hinata was nervous but he had braced himself: no one, nothing, was going to get in  the way of him seeing Oikawa.

‘Yes, yes it’s true -’

‘So that’s why you suddenly became so good at serving, huh? Why didn’t you say anything?! I didn’t realise you became friends with Oikawa!’

Hinata squirmed, his insides shaking, he glanced at Kageyama, the setter’s face as passive as ever.

‘Yes, we’re -’

‘Man I wish I’d bumped into a star player during the earthquake,’  Tanaka opened a banana. ‘Ushiwaka I saved your life now teach me cross court shots!’

‘Yeah yeah!’

Nishinoya and Tanaka fell about laughing and continued naming various volleyball players, each one more successful than the one before, theorising different life-saving scenarios.

‘S-sorry Hinata,’ Asahi apologised, rubbing the back of his head nervously, ‘everyone was asking – about yesterday -’

‘It’s OK,’ Hinata forced a smile, just as another wave of riotous laughter from Tanaka and Nishinoya filled the room.

Hinata quickly busied himself with his locker. It was at that moment he realised –

The bite.

Yesterday his mom had given him a lift to Karasuno because she had to go into town for some shopping. He’d arrived wearing his volleyball uniform but now –

Just off and on. I won’t turn around –

Hinata, as quietly, discreetly, nonchalantly as possible, undid his shirt buttons facing the locker, peeled off the layer, whipped off his vest and then shoved on his volleyball top.

His skin prickled. Hinata felt the hairs at his neck stand up. Only then did he notice –

Kageyama. To his right. Leaning against a locker, eyes on him like a hungry panther.

Hinata’s heart pounded in his chest. He waited with mounting dread, could hear the setter’s next words, feel the uproar that would crash land on him in this moment –

But also – there was something about the way Kageyama was looking at him, that intensity, there was something more, something different in its depths, and this too made the spiker’s heart pound…

He held Kageyama’s gaze for what felt like an eternity and then –

‘Come on Hinata. Lets get to practice.’

Kageyama left the club room. Behind him, Hinata could hear Asahi defending his hair style to a chortling Tanaka and Nishinoya.

Hinata exhaled. For a moment, he felt relieved. The guillotine had not fell. His head was still intact. But then, the painful reality hit  him –

So long as he kept seeing Oikawa, so long as Kageyama knew and Karasuno didn’t –

There would always be a guillotine.

Hinata braced himself as he entered practice.

‘Hinata! Is it true you saved Oikawa’s life?’

‘You stuck up for him because you’re friends now?’

‘Did he really teach you serving as a reward?’

‘Why didn’t you say?’

He nervously laughed and smiled his way through, explaining the bare minimum – yep, it was during the earthquake, no, he wasn’t a regular at Aoba Johsai, oh he never mentioned it because he didn’t want to make a big deal out of it –

All the while, Hinata’s adrenaline pumped, his cortisol charged as  there, in the background, he could feel Kageyama watching his every move, listening, observing, ready to pounce and call his bluff.

But it didn’t happen.

When Hinata finally locked eyes on the setter, Kageyama was watching him with that same expression from the locker room, and a strange new tension that Hinata had never felt before seemed to crackle between  them…

Hinata was off throughout all of practice. He didn’t know what exactly it was: was it his hyper awareness of the setter’s eyes boring into his back? Was it the niggling worry he had about Oikawa since lunchtime, and this weird sense of rejection from the ‘No’ without a reason? Or was it his paranoia of some of his teammates who were watching him and talking behind cupped hands? The only thing he did well  today…

‘Nice serve, Hinata!’

… were serves.

‘Hinata, come here!’ Suga beckoned him over with a smile after practice. ‘Do you have a few minutes for a chat?’

They stood outside, round the corner from the gym’s entrance.

‘How are things going with you?’ Suga asked. ‘I thought I’d check in.’

Hinata hesitated under the kind gaze of the upperclassman. He didn’t even know himself how he was –

‘How did your talk with Kageyama go yesterday? Did you manage to work things out?’

Hinata blushed. ‘No,’ he muttered, not meeting the setter’s eyes. ‘I  did what you said. I explained the situation with Oikawa but Kageyama  just… doesn’t trust him.’

‘Can you blame him though? After what he went through in middle school? I think you should cut Kageyama some slack I’m sure he’s just looking out for you. There’s no harm in being cautious, you know? But maybe Kageyama needs to calm down too. It’s not like you’re seeing Oikawa all the time, right? He’s only teaching you how to serve.’

Hinata didn’t bring his eyes up to meet Suga’s.

‘So I guess, once you’ve learnt everything you need to, there’s no reason for you to keep meeting him, right? If it’s affecting Kageyama that badly and putting a strain on your practice, maybe it’s better for you and Kageyama, and in turn, the whole team, if you acquire the skills you need to perfect your serve and then call it a day. I know Oikawa feels like he owes you because of what happened during the earthquake but don’t forget that he’s a third year; he has a lot of exams and other things he needs to prepare for, for the next stage of his life. He could probably use that time to better himself too. So if you feel like him teaching you has run its course, you shouldn’t take up his time for longer than you need to. Does that make sense?’

Hinata met Suga’s eyes.

‘But I haven’t yet,’ the spiker said. ‘I haven’t learnt everything I need to know.’

And I’m… not giving up Oikawa.

‘I know. And I know you want to get stronger and you will. But when the time comes… remember it’s not just one person on a team. Oikawa’s serves or your serves alone won’t win a game. We need to be a cohesive unit together. You got that?’

Hinata nodded.

Suga smiled fondly. ‘Come on. Let’s go home.’

As they walked towards the exit of the school, Kageyama was waiting for them. Suga took his cue and left. Hinata, holding his bike, stared at Kageyama who stared just as intensely back at him. The setter dropped his gaze momentarily, as if losing his resolve but then he clenched his fists and forced himself to meet those brown eyes once again.

‘I-I meant what I said,’ Kageyama asserted. ‘Yesterday. About… caring for you. It has nothing to do with Oikawa. And I’ll prove it to you.’

‘Whatever you say.’

Hinata walked past the setter, holding his bike and was about to hop on when Kageyama joined his side. Hinata waited. The air was awkward between them, a lingering pending tightness, from the hug and their argument yesterday. The hug. That was all that was in Kageyama’s mind. Hinata had felt so frail, so small, so warm, so soft…

Hinata was right beside him.

He wanted…

To feel that again…

But they walked in silence until they hit the crossroads and Kageyama still hadn’t said anything.

‘I’ll – I’ll see you… tomorrow…’ Kageyama said, deflated, staring at Hinata’s shoes.

Kageyama couldn’t help it: he just wasn’t as suave or charismatic as Oikawa was and he knew it. He couldn’t spin conversation out of thin air, he didn’t know how to joke or make Hinata laugh… To be caring… how? He knew what he had to do he just didn’t know how to do it.

Regardless of Hinata’s suspicions at Kageyama’s actions, he still hated seeing his friend like this.

‘Hey.’

Kageyama raised his gaze.

‘We’ll beat Seijoh next time. And tomorrow at practice, we’ll work even harder. No matter what’s going on we need to be able to focus on our team. See you tomorrow Kageyama.’

As Hinata mounted his bike, Kageyama scrabbled for something to say but the ginger took off without a backwards glance.

I don’t know, Kageyama thought, watching the bird fly away, because I can only focus on you.

Tuesday.

Just before practice Hinata stared at his phone biting his lip. It had been over twenty six hours and he had not had a text or call from Oikawa. Nothing since yesterday lunchtime. This was the longest they’d been out of contact since that first week after the earthquake. No update if he was feeling better, about his day, nothing. Hinata’s heart pounded. But not from excitement. From anxiety. And Oikawa wasn’t the only reason he was anxious…

Hinata stared at his DMs on Twitter and gripped his phone. His resolve hadn’t waned one inch and he still planned on doing what he intended to do.

Kageyama wasn’t the only one who noticed how absolutely terrible Hinata was playing.

‘Maybe it’s all a bit much,’ Suga whispered to Daichi, ‘Sunday’s game was pretty intense and he’s had several chats with me and Kageyama since then… Maybe he needs a break?’

Coach tried to get Hinata out for five minutes but the redhead refused to. He aimed with all his strength to pummel the ball – and missed. But he didn’t stop.

There’s something, Suga watched the tiny spiker, going on…

Kageyama could see it too. Hinata was doggedly going for the ball like his life depended on it but his mind was clearly elsewhere. His attacks were an outlet of some kind, some kind of feral release, and volleyball was the punching bag.

Did something happen? Kageyama wondered, in the space of a day? No – over the weekend? He wasn’t looking at the clock yesterday either –

After practice Kageyama walked with Hinata again, just the two of them in the direction of home. Kageyama had come to realise that their walks home after practice… belonged to him. It was a time he had alone with Hinata, a time free from Oikawa, from teammates, where he had the spiker all to himself. Every day was an opportunity. But for some fucking reason, he didn’t know what to do with it. His mind drew a blank, his hands became clammy and sweaty. Volleyball didn’t make him nervous but walking with Hinata did?

‘How was – your day?’ Kageyama asked hesitantly.

‘Fine.’ The spiker responded with a sharp edge to his voice.

Just while Kageyama was scrambling for more things to say, the middle blocker suddenly stopped by a side road.

‘So I’m, uh, going a different route today,’ Hinata said. ‘See ya -’ 

Hinata turned to go.

‘Are you going to see him? Now?’

It was the straw that broke that camel’s back.

‘Oikawa Oikawa Oikawa – don’t you ever think of anything else?!’  Hinata yelled at a stunned Kageyama. ‘There’s more to life than wondering what Oikawa’s doing all the time or where he is or what he’s thinking. No I’m not going to see Oikawa right now and to be honest it’s none of your business where I’m going.’

San, was the first thing Kageyama thought, he’s dropped the -san, but why?

Hinata took a deep breath and clenched the handles of his bike.

‘Are you OK? Did something happen?’

‘I can’t stay. I’m running late -’ Hinata jumped onto his bike.

Kageyama hated him leaving like this. He swore that one of these days he’d have to get a bike so he could go after him.

They’d agreed to meet at the entrance of Midodaira Park, a reasonable halfway point for both of them.

Hinata arrived and rested his bike against the railings. When he turned, he saw the ace approach. Instantly, like a trigger, anger flared up in Hinata, ravaging, all-consuming, unbidden. 

Iwaizumi stopped. Even from a slight distance he could feel that savage hatred radiating off  the tiny middle blocker.

Hinata’s expression was vicious as he took several steps towards the  upperclassman. They stood, facing each other, a few metres away on a quiet, deserted street outside the park. Hinata could tell Iwaizumi was curious but other than that he couldn’t tell if Seijoh’s ace was angry or calm – clearly it was a skill that came with age: the ability to successfully hide your emotions.

Regardless of Hinata being rigged with fury he tried to steady his voice as he asked –

‘How’s Oikawa-san?’

Iwaizumi’s eyebrows barely lifted. ‘You didn’t ask me to come out all this way just to ask me how Oikawa is, did you? I thought you had his  number.’

‘I do. He’s not… replying to me.’

Oh, Iwaizumi stared at the pretty boy, so that piece of trash is finally listening to me, is he?

‘Was he at practice?’ Hinata pressed. ‘How is he feeling? Is he feeling OK?’

Iwaizumi surveyed the little decoy. No. This wasn’t some kind of ploy or hoax. The kid looked genuinely, seriously worried.

‘Yeah I just saw him. He’s fine. So is that it? You called me out here to ask me how Oikawa’s doing?’

‘No, I -’

Iwaizumi watched number 10 get worked up: his hands balled into fists, his teeth gnashed and the spirit of fury overtook him –

‘I want you to stop hurting Oikawa-san and you need to treat him with respect!’

Iwaizumi’s eyebrows fully shot up. ‘What? Stop hurting Oikawa?’

‘I saw the bruise you gave him on the right side of his head and I heard the names you were calling him during the match and I want you to stop.’

The boy was fizzling with so much anger Iwaizumi could tell – one word and the crow wouldn’t hesitate to fly at Iwaizumi.

‘And if I don’t?’ Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow.

‘Then I’ll make you,’ Hinata bared his teeth.

‘Make me? How? Are you gonna beat me up, is that it? What, you think your skinny frame can take me on? I’d like to see you try. I could beat you black and blue right now and not even take a scratch from you.’

‘If that’s what it’ll take for you to leave Oikawa alone then fine,’ Hinata said through gritted teeth.

Iwaizumi considered the spiker. ‘You’re saying you’d let me beat you up if it meant I’d leave Oikawa alone?’

Hinata didn’t break eye contact. ‘Do it,’ he breathed.

Iwaizumi walked up to the middle blocker and towered over him. In height, stature, weight, everything, Iwaizumi was more. The ace rolled his shoulder and balled up his right fist. He suddenly grabbed Hinata by the neck of his shirt with his left hand, and pulled back his right, ready to punch. Still, number 10 hadn’t backed down, he hadn’t broken eye contact or flinched or tried to run away. There was fire in his eyes, Iwaizumi could see it now. He could break every bone in that tiny body and the spiker wouldn’t tell him to stop.

Iwaizumi released Hinata. He lowered his hands, straightened up and took a step back.

‘What would you do,’ Iwaizumi asked, ‘if I’d just beat the crap out of you just now?’

‘I’d expect you to keep your word,’ Hinata looked directly into those dark eyes, ‘as I kept mine. And to stop hurting Oikawa in your actions  and words.’

‘You’re not joking.’

‘Why would I be?’

‘Does Oikawa know you’re here? That you came to see me?’

‘No. And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell him.’

Iwaizumi peered at Hinata as if trying to work him out and then realised – that was just it – there was nothing to figure out. He was as crystal clear as the ocean, as pure as a white sandy beach.

‘So you’ll stop calling Oikawa-san names? And you’ll stop hurting him?’

He’s serious about this.

‘You do know that I’ve been calling Oikawa names since we were kids, right? And that I wouldn’t punch him just for the fun of it?’

‘But now you’ll stop,’ the intensity was back in the spiker’s eyes, ‘because I said you could hit me if that’s what it takes but you  didn’t.’

‘Fine. I’ll stop.’

Hinata turned and started marching towards his bike. He’d barely taken a few steps before Iwaizumi asked –

‘Hey. Do you really… like Oikawa that much?’

Hinata stopped. The wind blew and ruffled his hair. He turned for the last time to face Oikawa’s best friend.

‘And even more than that,’ Hinata replied, to the unreadable expression on Iwaizumi’s face, before getting his bike and heading home.